I am a mother.

I don't always know what to say to the question of "What did you do today?" My days are not filled as they used to be with many errands, with work. My answer is now "I was a mother".

I am a mother. I am primarily focused on one little human being. I try to fulfill his every need. I love with all I have (though I am nowhere near perfect in my love, I try). I pray. I do laundry. I clean. I try to find quiet times for myself. I play. I am a mother.

Growing up

How do they get so big so fast? My goodness! I look at my "little" guy and can hardly remember what it was like when he was his seven pound infant self. Yes, he's only three and a half months old yet he's grown SO much! The outfit I put on him this morning I now realize is too small for him. Oh well, that's what happens, right? That's what we want for him. But I'm mourning the loss of his tininess at the same time. He is realizing his independence. Yes, cuddling is a daily and nightly occurrence... but the amount of time he will allow for it has greatly dissipated.

*sigh*

Breaking point

It's amazing what a little sleep will do for a soul.

The lack of a good night of rest was weighing on me. Usually I can handle what my little guy throws at me.. but this was different. He's a restless sleeper, up every couple hours and needing me to comfort him back to sleep. Having to wake up in two or so hour intervals makes for a lack of real sleep on my part. He had a bad night. Therefore I had a bad night. The day was a difficult one with few solid naps from the boy. Only a small nap by me. It was New Years Eve. I stayed up but realized as it neared midnight that I was at the end of my rope. It was all adding up and I had a hard time handling it. As I finally laid in bed that night all I could do was cry from exhaustion. I was angry at everyone. I was frustrated with my son and with myself. The night wasn't much better then the night before and I felt it in the morning. Then my boy went down for a morning nap. So I did too. He then went down for one in the afternoon. Me too.

Rest, much needed rest. My foggy mind is a little less shrouded in clouds now. My eyes are able to keep their lids up. My emotions aren't in a constant state of turmoil. Rest. Much needed rest.