Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first time to have my motherhood celebrated. What I found was somewhat surprising. I discovered that Mother's Day wasn't terribly important to me. Yes, it was nice to have the work I do as a mother recognized. But the previous notions I had about how Mother's Day should be celebrated were smashed by reality and my feelings that I have now that I AM a mother.
 Before baby I would have thought that I would want the day to myself, a day of spa treatment, a day to selfishly celebrate ME! ... Then I became a mother, the day approached without much thought from me. I made my own mother a card the night before like I normally do. My thoughts in it were a bit different this year though.. I was able to really appreciate my mother for the first time. I now know the emotional stress being a mother can be but also the unrelenting love a mother has for her child that trumps all the sacrifices we make as mothers. It seemed more important for me to show my appreciation for my mother this year then it did to receive it for myself. Yes, I absolutely adore the card I got from my husband and his heartfelt words in it. I loved that he had our seven month old "sign" the bottom too. I enjoyed the Lullaby CD he found. But even with that I realized that the true gift on Mother's day was simply BEING a mother. I am blessed to have a beautiful son who is learning and growing at a rapid pace. I am blessed to have a husband that loves, cherishes, and respects me. I am blessed to have my own mother who has always been a rock for me.

Bottom line.. I'm BLESSED. While I am sure I will continue to enjoy the cards and gifts I receive in the future on this day, I will rest in the knowledge that my true gift was given already... my son. I need nothing more then my husband, my son, and a mother and family of love.

Fitful Frog

Watching my cute little green frog play with his little froggy toes. He's a sleepy boy who cried half the night away. Making me cry a few of those moments from frustration and exhaustion. Of course this morning the frog is back to his adorable happy (though slightly bleary-eyed) self. Me? I'm awake out of necessity with the help of two cups of coffee, the calming sounds of Josh Groban, and almost two feet of snow on the ground.

Snowed in. Every time the fussy frog was up last night I checked the windows. The fluff just got deeper and deeper. The morning light just touching the quiet stillness out the window. Falling in peaceful drifts. A tranquil wonderland.

I am a mother.

I don't always know what to say to the question of "What did you do today?" My days are not filled as they used to be with many errands, with work. My answer is now "I was a mother".

I am a mother. I am primarily focused on one little human being. I try to fulfill his every need. I love with all I have (though I am nowhere near perfect in my love, I try). I pray. I do laundry. I clean. I try to find quiet times for myself. I play. I am a mother.

Growing up

How do they get so big so fast? My goodness! I look at my "little" guy and can hardly remember what it was like when he was his seven pound infant self. Yes, he's only three and a half months old yet he's grown SO much! The outfit I put on him this morning I now realize is too small for him. Oh well, that's what happens, right? That's what we want for him. But I'm mourning the loss of his tininess at the same time. He is realizing his independence. Yes, cuddling is a daily and nightly occurrence... but the amount of time he will allow for it has greatly dissipated.

*sigh*

Breaking point

It's amazing what a little sleep will do for a soul.

The lack of a good night of rest was weighing on me. Usually I can handle what my little guy throws at me.. but this was different. He's a restless sleeper, up every couple hours and needing me to comfort him back to sleep. Having to wake up in two or so hour intervals makes for a lack of real sleep on my part. He had a bad night. Therefore I had a bad night. The day was a difficult one with few solid naps from the boy. Only a small nap by me. It was New Years Eve. I stayed up but realized as it neared midnight that I was at the end of my rope. It was all adding up and I had a hard time handling it. As I finally laid in bed that night all I could do was cry from exhaustion. I was angry at everyone. I was frustrated with my son and with myself. The night wasn't much better then the night before and I felt it in the morning. Then my boy went down for a morning nap. So I did too. He then went down for one in the afternoon. Me too.

Rest, much needed rest. My foggy mind is a little less shrouded in clouds now. My eyes are able to keep their lids up. My emotions aren't in a constant state of turmoil. Rest. Much needed rest.

Simplicity.

It's what I strive for. It's what I crave. No need for all the fluff of life.

Christmas time always makes me ponder how to maintain simplicity. As said by many, it has become so materialistic. How can we (I) get back to the basics?

God, family, love. Things that are needed, things that are simple, things that are always there. We often get so busy over the holidays we forget to stop and really see the truth of things. The stress of presents and having everything perfect for the big day isn't it. What is the truth?

Christmas: A time to celebrate and worship a loving God. A time to grasp a moment of time with family. A time to love.

Slow down. Love. Enjoy a simple Christmas.

Fluffy peace

The world looks so innocent and pure when there's a fluffy coat of white stuff over it. For a moment life slows down, smiles are shared, cocoa is sipped slowly. Oh to be snowed in. It's a lovely fleeting moment in life. Nowhere to go, nothing needing done. Just being.

Why can't this happen more often? Why is life so busy and complicated? How can a simple insulation of white make a life slow down?

It doesn't last, life picks right back up where it was left off and often with even more to do. But for that instant there was tranquility. Simplicity.